Midwest Fur Fest 2007, what a hell of a ride....

As MidWest Fur Fest 2007, is logged in the history books now, I refect on the great joy this wonderous three days had brought me, especially in light of a very severe slump that I had been in emotionally over the last two, over the loss of two "friends".  Probably one of the best decisions, I had made in some time, the decision to attend this convention was purely and quite literally last minute, this decision also brought with it a very import life lesson -- life must go on, good, bad or indifferent.   While I wanted to attempt to "recover" from the events of the previous weeks,  sitting at home, was probably the worst thing I could have done.  

I gathered the strength from my spirts and mustered up the gumption to attend, and what a time it was.  The energy at these conventions, is nothing short of awe inspiring in there own right.  The diversity and open mindedness that pours forth from this often "misunderstood" community of very diverse individuals, is really the epotmy of what we are about, and while "convention anxiety" didn't hit me AS bad this time, I still wanted to jump into Bill Murry's shoes, and re-live those days, as he did, in his hit theatrical release, "Groundhog Day".  

The names I could mention, could fill this page to its brim. You know who you are, and I love and respect you all, and especially everyone else, who made their intital discovery into the Furry Community, like one very good friend of mine did.  These events are very profound, and should not be dismissed as anything less.

Okay, okay, I know what you are thinking...."Where are the pictures?"  I got 'em, lots of them.  So enjoy!  Thanks to everyone I met at this wonderful convention, to all the great new friends I met, and just everyone who worked so hard to make this event so special.


*Hugs to all*


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The Month of November...encapsulated

November....what a curious month it has been for me.  The eleventh month of  2007, brought some excitment and many more challenges for me, than I could have ever imagined.  The most notable of which was the loss of two "friends" who turned out to be apparently incompatiable with my style of friendship.  I guess caring and compassion doesn't work for some.    Oh well, I trust they will find what they both seek at some point in their respective lives, and I wish them both well along their journey.  

The "Holiday Season" is upon us, and this is generally seen as a very challenging time for me.  I had initial plans to visit the two aforementioned individuals for the Thanksgiving Holiday.  Sadly, the Universe had other plans, and things did not materialize as I would have liked, such is life at times.   Instead, I went up to visit with my last living uncle, and while it was a very quiet and low key affair, I believe that we both apprecriated each other's company, and we spend some meaningful time together, which gave me a feeling of satisfaction, as one doesn't know what tomorrow will bring, much less if tomorrow will even arrive.

The search for AIS (Additional Income Sources) continues, it has been a slow going affair, however, I do feel that progress is being made in the right direction.  Soon after I compose this entry, I drive to Indiana to meet with representitve from that firm.

Other than that, November was chock full of the same of wolf/jackal craziness that only he can understand and apprecriate.

*Onward and Upward*


Here is wishing you a very happy B'day Tzup!!!

 Good Morning Tzup:

Here is wishing you a very happy birthday.  (18 this year, right? :) )  I hope it is a very special one for you full of prosperity and happiness for you and yours. :)

I look forward to meeting your, Nbowa and Oz here soon.

All the best my friend,



How do I describe....

 This last couple of days has been quite challenging for me.  Like all challenges that have come before and all that will come after, I will rise above the challenges and perservere.  I am working on an aspect of my life now, that I am still working on integrating into the other aspects of it.  This past weekend, was a prime example of how much I require to work on these issues, so that I can achieve greater clarity in my life.  

I receive constructive criticism in this area, which was greatly apprecriated, and duly noted.  I am not certain how much I put myself down, as much as I listen to what my heart tells me.  My heart was sending me mixed signals the last few days, and even though I heard from my good friend, that I had "Not hurt anyone" and to "Stop Apologizing" which I did do, my heart was telling me something much more different that what my mind was, and that imbalance, was at the root of what clarity was not seen in proper light, during this chapter in the book of life.

In any case, T'Giving is coming up, and I am scheduled to be in VA to spend some time with some very close friends over this period, to then it is on to yet a brand new chapter in my life, and one that I am very much looking forward to.

*Onward and Upward*


A New Day...New Challenges and New Opportunities...

A new day....

Generally seen by many a mundane and un-eventful.  That may hold true.  However, a new day for me means being one step closer to living the life that I DESERVE, and that alone gives me the drives and the ambition to keep going, even in light of the temporary challenges that life is currently dealing me.  

That is okay though, because with life's adversities, also come equal or greater victories for advancement and growth, in all aspects of life.  This is important to know and understand, as this is a primary factor in achiving total alignment in one's persuit of success and happiness.  

A new day, a new opportunity, and a day to reflect upon the trials of yesterday, and the the opportunities of today. :)

*Onward and Upward*


Friendships...never leave home without them.

Today brought an important contract into my life.  A contrast between age old war between good and evil where definitive lines are drawn in the sand, between those we call friends (better known as good) and those we "perceive to be 'friends' yet find out later quite the contrary is true.  

Friendships are ones that can be relied upon through good times and bad, through thick and thin.  As we go through life, we realize that friendships are a necessity on the road to life. These types of relationships, are built on solid foundations, that can be drawn upon for inner-strength, guidence or whatever else, as the situation dictates.  Friendships are born from the heart, and grow through time, and solidify filling both souls with a feeling of "completeness" that gives both, a stronger purpose and a greater reason for living.

Sadly, "perceived friendships" are the predominent force in casual associations in this day and age, as many of the same qualities are present as with true friendhsips, however, perceived friendships are based on superficial beliefs and a very unsound foundation, based on merely circumstanial sceniero at the time, where one will "act" as a friend to another in good times, and in bad time, "desert" the other and even go as far as to chastize them for the mistakes they have made in the past.  Sadly, I am going through one such instance right now, and believe me the pain it exerts on my heart, is very heavy and melancholy.  

"Choose your friends wisely", my mother would always used to say, and at the time that was first spoken to me, the words had little profound meaning to me, as I was one who believe he had a gentle heart, and would take another at his word, as being sincere and truthful.   After discovering the true nature of "perceived friends" my mother's word's echoed like a bronze bell in the still of the night, reminding me of the importance of those words, as I traveled down a very painful road, full of hurt and self-doubt.

As with anything in life, there are victories and there are adversities, the perception of both depends on the mind and the heart of the individual.  My heart now is wiser than it has ever been, and more attune to that which goes on around me, and thus affects MY Universe.

Another lesson in the book of life, logged and learned.

*Onward and Upward*


A new week begins...

"I deserve the best things in life" is an adage I prescribe to every singe day, as it puts things into clearer perspective and brings greater clairity into any advartsities that may want to rear their ugly head, and attempt to introduce negativity into my life.  

It seems that ever since I got off my medication for bi-polar manic depression, I have been in greater control of my life than I ever have been in recent history.  The feeling is incredible, as is the Furry Community that has been so openn and so supportive, in welcoming me with such open arms and unsequestered hearts.

Things are definately getting better, and I am really getting psyched here!

*Onward and Upward*


Progress is closer on the horizon....

This closing part of this past week brought with it some significant progress, with two significant milestone in the continuing quest for the crucial first stepping stone to entrapreneurship.  The first milestone was a very promising interview I had with a local servicing company here in Ohio.  The interview itself lasted approxiatmently 45 minutes, which as interviews go, is generally seen as a very promising sign.

The second signifcant step in the ongoing quest, was the very favourable pre-assessment I had had with Werner Enterprises, as I was told, that I am an "Ideal Cadidate" for what they are looking for as an OTR driver.

All in all, the labors of my work, are being to bear some very profitable fruits.  The future is looking very prosperous indeed.

Onward and Upward,


A Turbulent weekend...like a true warrior pulls through.

This weekend saw, a swath of emotions come over me; feelings of intense melancholy and loneliness filled my heart.  

This weekend also brought with it, other feelings, of the inexplicable kind that I am still even today looking for answers to.  While, it may not be the will of the Universe to find out what those answer are in the hear and now, and while the melancholy was very uncomfortable and at times, painful to contend with, like a true wolf/jackal warrior, I got through it, and along the road of self-discovery that I had traveled, learned a very rich and valuable lesson along the way:


The wonderous "community" that I belong to, is a one of great diversity, of spirtural beliefs, diversity, and openess, unlike anything else I have ever come across in my 36 years of existence.  Complicated and full of complexities on multiple levels, it is  one that I understand and relate to perfectly, as I have assismilated myself into it, embasing its openess and diversity.

The road new adventures and experiences this wolf/jackal continues on.  A world full of richness and prosperity, and one also full challenges and adversities.  This is what we all encounter on the road called "life"

Onward and Upward,


...and empty and dull "pain"...

"Emptiness" is a void that is inexplicable for me to convey in words or emotions.   Yesterday, found me walking down this deserted highway wandering aimlessly, feeling that I had no friends, no strength, and a skewed sense of what was being projected in front of me, and  my interpretation of such events.

Emptiness also seems to co-inside with discombobulation that exists within my turbulent tempest that is nestled between my ears.

The combination of the two, is a dull pain, that brings me saddness, because I am put before judge and jury and executioner, and put on trail for the things I have done, and the poor decisions I have made.  

While it can be said, that I have many friends, so often I feel so alone and sad, as I have been wondering so long down this lonely highway, no sounds of joy or pleasure, just a indistinct discombobulation of voices, chastizing me for what I have done.  It makes me cry really, as I just don't know what to do anymore.   I sometimes with for death to take me off this highway, however, I am not certain if I would not be placed on another one just like the road I just came from.  The uncertaintly here is the killer for me, what have I done, and how can I correct that which I have wronged, how to I repair that which I broke, or is this just a dark presence within me, that taunts and toments me? *Sobs* 
I am just not certain anymore?  Give me strength Rukario, Give me strength someone. The wolf/jackal looks at his regal paws, as they are coated in tears, as shouts, "What have I done!?!?!"